It’s Okay To Break Up With Him

Photo provided by Oyelola Toyosi

Photo provided by Oyelola Toyosi

The urgency with which you respond to his texts takes a nosedive, the idea of hanging out in large groups becomes far more appealing than intimate one-on-one dates, being with your friends becomes a priority while being with him takes the backseat.  Sound familiar?  No you are not, cold or heartless-- you’re just ready to break up with him.

I’ve been in this position more than once...okay, maybe even a handful of times.  Losing interest in your boyfriend can be a major bummer, and can make you feel a responsibility to preserve a romance that just isn’t there anymore.  The girls in the long-term, stable relationships seem like the lucky ones, the together ones, the perfect ones.  It’s easy to want to have what they have.  What I’ve learned is that while some girls find a real, lasting romance in high school, many do not...and that’s okay!

High Schoolers have the tough job of learning how to create and maintain intimate relationships with others, but also themselves. Teenage years are for learning to love and accept your own quirks, just as much as your friends’.  In these four years we’re bound to grow and change a lot, and finding people who help us along the way is imperative.  Unfortunately, sometimes the people we want by our side as we figure it all out (i.e. our boyfriends) are simply on different timetables, and in an effort to try to keep up with each other, you may end up slowing each other down.

The most obvious reason to break up with your boyfriend is because he treats you poorly.  You wouldn’t allow your girlfriends to put you down, and the same should go for boys.  If he doesn’t make you feel good, than to put it simply: making it work just isn’t a thing.  However, there can be other reasons for a breakup that are much harder to recognize or accept.  Believe me, I am all too familiar with making yourself feel like a jerk when his shower of compliments, willingness to clear his schedule for you, and altogether ‘perfect boyfriend’ behavior stops being impressive...or worse... makes you feel annoyed.  But this is where trusting your gut comes in: sometimes you feel the spark and sometimes you don’t, and just because you ‘should’ does not mean you have to force it.  You are not a bad person if you lose feelings for him, and the reality is: if you don’t and you pretend to, you’re not only hurting yourself, but you’re also hurting him.  Everyone deserves somebody who genuinely cares for them, and in the end, nothing stings worse than hearing I didn’t say anything because I was afraid of hurting your feelings.

Just because not every dating relationship is bound for the alter, doesn’t mean it’s foolish to try. If nothing else, dates and new boyfriends are fun!  Some of my most exciting memories are the first time he put his arm around me, or introducing him to my parents, or becoming each other’s confidant.  It’s nice to get close to people, and every time that we do, we become better versions of ourselves.  So get out there and talk to boys, answer their snapchats, allow them to pay for your ice cream!  Even if he’s not going to make it for the long haul, doesn’t mean your relationship won’t be exciting and special.

When you do get the urge to end it, take it slow.  Give yourself a week to think about why you’re breaking up as well as how you’re going to do it.  Just because you don’t want to kiss him anymore doesn’t mean you can treat him like dirt.  Be kind and respectful and honest.  Try to avoid gossiping about him or the breakup--the news should come from you and not a little birdy or the grapevine.

Once you’ve broken up, reflect on the positive things he brought to your party, and how you learned from the relationship.  Hard feelings and fights with your ex are toxic and a waste of your time.  Embrace being on your own for a bit, take time to focus on yourself and the relationships you have with your family and friends.  You’ll get to class fine without a hand to hold.