The July Advice Column: How to Deal with a Breakup

Whether or not we like to admit it, breakups are hard and they can do quite a number on us.  I personally have gone through several and none of them have been remotely easy to get over, even the silly 8th grade relationship I thought would last for the rest of my life.  The reason I wanted to write this article, however, is due to the recent breakup between me and my serious high school boyfriend.  It’s not easy losing your first love, but, as I have learned, there are ways to deal with a breakup that can help you move on a little more easily and a little less painfully.

Photo provided by Anna Tselevich

Photo provided by Anna Tselevich

Talk it out// the one thing that helped me the most in all of this was talking everything over with my ex.  When we first broke up at the beginning of the school year, we didn’t talk anything over. At all.  This led to a lot of emotional confusion for both of us, however, after I understood what he wanted and he understood what I wanted as well, we both became a lot happier.  If we had talked everything over when we first broke up, it would have made everything easier for both of us.

Try not to stalk// when my ex and I broke up, I was really worried about what was going on in his life because everything seemed so abrupt to me.  This led to Facebook stalking and endlessly phishing for information from people who knew him.  Honestly, this only made things worse because I was constantly reminded of him.  Granted, I think if we had talked it out first, I wouldn’t have done it, but, regardless, it would have saved me a lot of grief if I had chosen to try to get over him.

Understand there are people who love you// not having a boyfriend was really upsetting for me at first.  I have been in relationships since 8th grade, so not being in one was really scary; however, even though it took time, I was able to understand that there are so many people that love me.  Because of the breakup, I have some really strong friendships with people whom I may have never gotten close to.  It even brought me closer to my family, which I am very thankful for.

So, if you are going through or have gone through a breakup before, the one thing I can say is it makes you stronger.  Breaking up with my serious boyfriend was actually one of the best things to happen to me because I found myself.  If we had stayed together I don’t think I would be who I am, and who I am is a pretty kick*** woman.