Lurking on Social Media: How it Can Ruin Your Relationship


      We’ve all been there, where we wanted validation about a specific person or situation.  We have grown to depend on the status of a social media account to determine a person’s truth.  However, does lurking do more harm than good? Let’s uncover the reasons why you should hold off on stalking a profile.

For starters, lurking can weaken communication skills.

    To build a positive and lasting relationship, communication is key to sustaining both partner’s needs. Once you start lurking, it becomes an addiction that you can’t stop.  It can immediately turn into a bad habit where you’re using social media to confirm what is real and what is not. If you’re questioning any type of behavior, be direct with your partner about the issue.  The last thing you need is for social media to control how you communicate with your partner.

Assumptions can initiate the drama.

     Assuming what is going on in your relationship can start by looking at a social profile.  You start to originate ideas from an outside source, which can be Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Facebook, etc.  You allow comments and likes to feed into a thought that you already had, prior to looking up your partners profile.  It is easy to get infuriated during an emotional moment because you will seek for whatever confirmation that’s most relevant to your true feelings.  Considering this, if you and your partner was currently arguing about why a person keeps texting their phone, the first thing you would do is look up that person’s profile.  You will look for any comments or consistency in likes to determine whether your partner is still infatuated with that individual. To avoid this, it is best to be on the same page about boundaries and what will and will not be tolerated while being in a relationship.  

You’re allowing the past to be your present.

     We’ve all heard the phrase, let the past stay in the past.  Yet, we allow old situations to become a new problem when it comes to social media.  We cannot erase anyone’s past and being stuck on it, prevents you from living your best life.  Any moment you see yourself lurking on an account that leads you to getting upset, that is a sign that you’re allowing the past to affect your present.  In most cases, people who start new relationships often compare themselves to their partner’s past. That shouldn’t have to be on your mind and if it is, that can mean two things:  Your partner is still allowing their past to interfere with their present or you can be insecure. Either way, this should be communicated with your partner so you both can be on the same page.

You start to question your worth.

     Lurking for yourself or for a friend, you’re looking for confirmation on what you’ve been thinking.  This alone can devalue your self-confidence, leaving you questioning what you bring to the table. Not only does this cause you to be insecure, but it can ruin how your partner perceives you as a person.  The more energy you put into worrying about how someone else lives their life, the less focus you have on loving and bettering yourself.

It can lead to major trust issues.

     Lurking on social media is the first step in losing trust for your partner. The moment you start snooping around for the “truth,” is the moment you have developed a trust issue.  We can’t control what ticks us off in a relationship, but we can control how much we dwell on it. If the problems in your relationship can’t be addressed, being in that relationship should be reconsidered.  With a million other things going on in your life, stressing over what your partner does on social media should be the last of your worries.

     Overall, communication is the foundation of all successful relationships.  It is best to establish boundaries within your relationship to avoid the thought of lurking on social media.  No relationship is perfect, and everyone has their flaws, but everyone deserves to be taken seriously and respected.  Always be direct about your standards and what you will tolerate. If you see that social media is the starting point of all your arguments, things need to change. It will be your decision on what that “change” needs to be.