Realizing Your Worth: Recognizing a Toxic Relationship

How is it possible to realize someone important to you in your life is toxic?
xavier-sotomayor-192007.jpg

Everyone wants to believe that the people in their lives want what’s best for them, especially if they have the best interest at heart for their loved ones. We tend to rely on close ties to boost self confidence and push us in the right direction to our goals. As individuals progress in their lives, they will probably form special relationships that they hope will be around forever - especially when they finally themselves in a seemingly perfect romantic relationship.

This person starts off being everything you have ever wanted - nice, romantic, good looking, sense of humor, and of course they do things that no one else has ever done for you in the past. You think to yourself, “Wow! This is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.” But how is it possible to realize it’s too good to be true?

As someone who has been in a toxic relationship, it is definitely possible to identify key issues that can arise from a relationship with toxicity. Being with someone who is very needy and lacks independence can often cause issues. These problems stem from roots like insecurity, family issues and mental incompetence. These are only a few examples of what kinds of relationships can be toxic.

In order to recognize that you are in a toxic relationship, there are many factors which need to be considered:

One aspect of a toxic relationship is when there is a partner who constantly plays the victim in situations where there is an argument, and they make it so the other person seems at fault even when they have done nothing wrong. This causes a constant state of entrapment where since only one party is always guilty while the other will never be accepting of their mistakes. If both people in a relationship are not capable of admitting that they were wrong, the relationship becomes extremely toxic.

Problems arise more often when the partners in a relationship have a hostile atmosphere. This is especially true when there are ongoing issues of tension and misunderstanding which cause arguments and judgment. Relationships should be based on trust and acceptance of the other person. Issues that were formed in the past should be left in the past. Being constantly put down for past mistakes, will result in a toxic relationship that will not be able to progress.

Control can often be the biggest issue in a toxic relationship. If there is one partner who always wants to know everyone the other partner is talking to and hanging out with, they may lack proper trust in their partner. A person who feels the need to know everything about what their significant other is doing is attempting to control the person and not let them have a life outside of the relationship. This is severely unhealthy and will most likely result in detachment between the two partners.

How is it possible to realize someone important to you in your life is toxic?

Some partners have unrealistic, high expectations and higher standards which cannot be met by their partner. This can eventually stem into arguments which undermine the partners structural integrity. In toxic relationships, one partner’s negativity can project onto their partner, resulting in a major lack of self confidence and a domino effect of negative things happening all around them. No one deserves to be constantly put down and treated less than they deserve.

The hardest part about being in a toxic relationship is not just realizing that it is toxic, but being able to wean yourself out of it. I would be lying if I said it was easy, but it is possible once you realize your self worth. No relationship is perfect, but a good relationship should make you feel loved, cared for, and supported - not shut down, controlled, and unwanted. You should feel  happy and free to be yourself. If you don’t feel this way, the chances are your relationship could be toxic.

We all want what is best for us. Having someone who excels at bringing out our best qualities are the kind of relationships that are successful. It is important to differentiate these between toxic relationships, which are the kinds that hold us back. As individuals progress in their lives, they will probably form many different relationships. Some will be cut short and some will last forever. Everyone strives to keep trying until they finally find themselves the relationship that is “perfect” for them.

A year ago I would’ve died for certain people. A year later, half of them are dead to me.
— Anonymous